So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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