i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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