Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
