Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
