In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
