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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Because men are children

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Touche

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

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• (366): View more from

  just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.

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