i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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