So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Man, jail baloney is awful.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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