smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
