I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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