I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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