why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
