How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just google imaged poop.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
