I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
