He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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