Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
