The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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