found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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