so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
