Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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