I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
