you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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