yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
