He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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