She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
