So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
