Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
