I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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