A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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