I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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