Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
