Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize