3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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