im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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