She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
