wanna go halves on a baby?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
