apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize