I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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