I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
