atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
