Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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