These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
