you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
