My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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