Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
