We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
