dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
