smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
