The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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