i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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