you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That accounts for only three of the penises
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
