He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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