last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
