yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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