I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
