we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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