i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
