girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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