I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
