sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
