Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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