capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
