Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
