um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
