Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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