i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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