wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
