one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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