hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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