Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I party with great urgency now.
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