you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
