its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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