There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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