after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
