I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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